


Deer in the Woods

by SwAgAmAnDeR



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Apocalypse, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Zombies, dan is pretentious im sorry, implied phan, lonely dan, phil is really athletic idk why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 10:38:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3324446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwAgAmAnDeR/pseuds/SwAgAmAnDeR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan has had enough. Louise has been dead for six months, and he hasn't seen another living person in three. The world will not miss him. It might even be better off without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deer in the Woods

**Author's Note:**

> i promised myself i wouldnt write phan yet hERE I AM
> 
> Warning: this fic has very graphic descriptions of depression and suicidal thoughts and actions. Even though this was written as Dan in the middle of a zombie apocolypse, I see it as basically a mirror of my own feelings, thus they are very real. If this type of stuff bothers you, please do not read this.

_He could do it._

The groans were engrained into his brain at this point. He couldn’t escape them. Through every silence, every dream, every breath, they were there. Taunting him, drawing him closer and closer to his inescapable fate.

_Right fucking now. He could do it, nothing was stopping him._

He was beginning to forget her face, Dan realized. His one best friend in this godforsaken world, and he was forgetting what she looked like. He searched, searched, searched through his cloudy memories, but her face was as present as his sanity. Dan disgusted himself.

_He_ would _do it._

The screams, too. He could never forget the screams. Not just Louise’s, but all the other poor, innocent souls whose cries for help lashed towards him like those slap-on bracelets from his childhood. Of course, he always ignored them because he was too much of a selfish bastard to risk his own life for theirs.

_Then why hadn’t he just done it yet?_

Dan clenched his eyes shut even tighter, as if that would make the images in his head go away. It didn’t. He was such a fucking, fucking, fucking _coward_. He should be dead by now, but he wasn’t, because Dan was too scared, as per usual, to actually take action. How surprising. Dan cringed. The monsters in his head were far worse than the ones outside of it.

He swallowed back a sob and gripped the cold pistol in his hand tighter. His hand was shaking as he ground it even farther into his scalp. He was sure blood was being drawn by this point. He would have to hurry along before the damn walking corpses smelt it and came to investigate. This was supposed to be easy, Dan just had to press a button, and it would all be over. It should be easy. It should be easy. It should be easy.

“Goddamnit!” Dan exploded, slamming the gun to ground so that it ricocheted back up half a foot.

 This always happened. Dan got to the point of _almost_ doing it, and then backed out every single time.

 “Too much of a coward to even take the _easy_ way out, huh Howell?” Dan felt dizzy, “You’re not backing out this time. You’re not you’re not you’re not you’re not you’re-“

 He cut off his incoherent mumbling but picking up his handgun and shoving it to his raw scalp.

 Louise had die- _left_ six months ago, he hadn’t seen another living human in three. The world had gone to shit. There was no hope of revival. It was better to just end it now, rather than be eaten alive when you least expected it. Besides, Dan was merely a pawn in the great chess game of Life. No one would miss him. The world might even be better without him.

He took a deep breath and prepared himself.

_3..._

He was horrified to see Louise’s mangled body appear on the back of his dark eyelids. This is not what he wanted his last thought to be. Not this.

_2…_

A deer. That was it. Instead of the entrails of his best friend, he would envision the deer that frequented the cabin his family vacationed at when he was a child. He was mesmerized by the animal’s sheer power and beauty and grace, how it leaped effortlessly yet with the power of 15 men, how its coat shined no matter the conditions. It always left far too soon for Dan’s liking. Just like Louise did.

_1…_

This was it. Dan’s time in this Hell was done, and now he was onto another. He would not back out this time. He wou-

“Put down the gun,” A cool voice swam through his internal monologue to his brain and he froze, eyes flying open. This was new.

“Look,” The man before him had eyes of ice and words of fire, “I don’t know who you are. To be honest, I couldn’t care less. But I get it, you’ve seen some shit, I’ve seen some shit, we’ve all had a rough time, blah blah blah. Now look, I have a camp about five minutes from here, and if you think you’re gonna go and blow out your brains and lure every walker within a 50-mile radius here, then you’re wrong,”

“What?” Dan was too shocked to move. His hand still had the gun glued to his head. This man was roughly Dan’s height and stature, and looked about the same age. They probably looked a lot alike, actually, except Dan hadn’t seen his own reflection in months. He suddenly felt very self-conscious. Who knew how grimy Dan looked.

“I’m sorry for whatever is making you feel this way,” the man sighed, “But, I really can’t afford to have you kill yourself,”

“What are you going to do about it?” Dan growled. He was in a bad mood, and some stranger appearing out of nowhere was not going to make him suddenly happy, “Shoot me?”

And then there was a blur across his field of vision as Dan plummeted to the ground and the icy-eyed man was straddling his chest and pressing a knife against his neck. How he was that fast, Dan had no idea. His breath caught in his throat like someone was squeezing his neck. Sure, he was scared because this guy had total control over him now (Yes, Dan was suicidal, but he wanted a quick death, not to be slowly tortured by some weirdo in the woods), but also, this guy was strangely attractive, even covered in sweat and dirt and blood.

“No,” The man with the icy-eyes wasn’t even out of breath, “But I could stab you. Less sound, same pain,”

The two stared at each other for what felt like hours, trying to read the other’s eyes. Dan had no such luck. This man’s eyes were not windows to his soul, but rather bricks that hid it.

The man on top of Dan eventually threw his head back and let out an exasperated sigh, “What am I doing?” He looked back at Dan, “I didn’t always used to be like this, I swear. I used to have a radio show. I didn’t scare suicidal people for a living, that’s for sure,”

Dan wasn’t sure what this meant for him. Was this guy about to kill him or spare him?

“You’re scared, I’m scared. I’m assuming you’re all alone, otherwise you probably wouldn’t be resorting to what you were going to do,” He scanned Dan up and down, loosening his grip on the knife at Dan’s throat, “What’s your name? Mine is Phil,”

“Dan,” He didn’t see a reason to lie about his name, not to someone who had a knife to his neck.

“Well, Dan, let me make you a deal. How about you don’t kill yourself, and we make a sort of partnership. We’re both all alone, and we’d last longer together than apart,” Phil’s lips curled into a smile, “What do you say?”

He should say no. All of Dan’s instincts knew he should say no. Louise would say he should say no, his mom would say he should say no, anyone else would say no.

“Sure,” Dan croaked, “Could you get off of me first, though?”

**Author's Note:**

> This was spontaneous I apologize the dialogue was not my best  
> This is also my first time writing phan so please be gentle on my kind soul


End file.
